Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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