im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
