Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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