I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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