are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
