i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
