i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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