Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
