all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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