dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?