you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.