That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..