when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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