When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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