you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my liver is dry heaving
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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