i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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