Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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