your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
