in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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