he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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