Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
