Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
