Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have aggressive nipples.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
