Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
