i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
is it fun? or sober?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
