my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
