Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
