what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
