I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
