apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
