Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
