I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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