I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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