Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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