she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
