i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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