you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
