I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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