I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the day after is always just damage control
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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