dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
