Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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