I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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