it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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