so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
