actually, I'm a sock model
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
