census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
