the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
