You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
