1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
