It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
