I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
