I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
