when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
