You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
