life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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