Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
