whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize