Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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