found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
