what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
