It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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