I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
