So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
