so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
