All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
