You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
