You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
