Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
