I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
