whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
