I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
