u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
