Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
