The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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