I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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