is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
