mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
one might say we're banned from that church
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
